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I wonder how much of what people show the world is indicative of their real selves. This isn't some sort of wonderful flash of insight of mine, but rather, mulling over something I realized something early on in life but then never thought much about.

I have found lately that I just don't care much if people see more and more of my 'real' self. I have been learning to be honest before myself, before others, and before God. I can't lie to God, so there's no point there; I can make a good cover before others, but I feel like a fraud afterwards; and I can lie to myself, but some other part of me always busts myself (sorry, that was a weird sentence).

I realize I have problems and weak points - probably more than most. Sometimes, in my charitable moments, I wonder what others in this world do with their problems and insecurities. Do they bury them under a mask? I think especially of those I have influence on, my family and friends - and for some reason, those in my church. I wonder how many of them perhaps go through what I go through, or have gone through, in silence. I wonder what it would do to them if they knew they weren't alone. To realize the same demons plagued many a human was a huge burden off my shoulders; to learn of specific individuals going through the same issues was priceless (for this I thank the blog world).

There is no need to cover yourself up in a fake persona. Now, perhaps some level of holding-back is appropriate depending on how close of a relationship you have with the people you're around; but I have a hunch that most people hold back much of what is real, and put up much of what is illusory. What point is there in doing this: to save face? dignity? power? respect? - all the above!?

I think this portrayal of a false self is exacerbated in the Church. Everyone is pounded into being some 'ideal' Christian person. Oh, and everyone is watching you! (Most likely not true). So with such incredible pressure, what more can one do but put up this fake self - this fake 'good' Christian. Isn't the Church all about where sinners come for grace. Didn't Jesus hang out with all the shit of his society - and invite them openly into his family. If not, then I probably don't belong here. I guess people can go on showing others a false image, and most probably will. But I think that only brings harm to the church. Bringing people to Jesus takes honesty, not ideals. If you show people a community of people wearing white robes with golden wings, I have a feeling most will curse at you and walk off to do their own thing. If you show people a community of real humans, accepted just as they are, shown grace and love just as they are, then you might get somewhere. If people think the church is just a place for people who 'got it right', it won't interest them. In my eyes, if you can't ever seem to get it right, God's family is the place to be. It's why I'm still here.