Purpose

An odd feeling came over me this morning while I was preparing my breakfast. I couldn't quite put a name to it.

At first, I thought it was loneliness. Maybe I'm just feeling a little lonely. I just got back from a very socially-stimulating vacation, and now I'm in my house all alone with no one home. Maybe I'm just lonely. But as I thought about it more, I realized that loneliness just wasn't it. I wasn't lonely.

Then it struck me. Like a tonne of bricks it came down on me. I have no purpose. I'm running around like a lab rat trying to get through medical school applications, but I have no purpose. I have a vague direction, a general feeling, some values, goals, dreams - but I have no purpose. I know what I want to do in life (I think), I know how to go about doing that (I think), but I do not know why I am doing it. That deep down, big picture, serious "why".

Perhaps it's utterly pessimistic. You live, you die. If you want to live, you need food and house and fun. None of that comes free. So get a good job, live well, then die happy.

But will I die happy? Is it possible to live and die happily without purpose? Can I be truly satisfied in life without purpose?

Is my life for more than just me?